This happens for several reasons:
1. Deep Intuition and Insight
INFJs have deep intuition and insight. They possess a strong sense of intuition and are often very perceptive about other people’s feelings and motivations. Their intuition and perception are so strong that they may pick up on things about someone that the person thought were completely hidden from the public eye. INFJs also detect problems and can tell when others are uncomfortable. In such situations, the number one thing an INFJ will do is work to resolve the problem and make the other person comfortable again.
Sounds great, right? Well, in a perfect world, it would be, but unfortunately, we live in an imperfect world. When an INFJ addresses a real problem and helps clear it up, they are often hated for it. Even though it was the other person’s problem that the INFJ fixed, they blame the INFJ because they revealed it. This happens even if the person is better off after receiving help. In some twisted way, they still see the INFJ as the source of the problem. You can see why this is scary to other personality types, especially those who don’t want to improve themselves or want to keep their problems hidden. INFJs can see through their masks.
2. Mirroring
INFJs mirror others in a loving way. They tend to mirror people’s actions, body language, and tone, often without trying. This ability is taught as a communication skill in charisma classes, so it’s an incredible trait to have naturally. It allows INFJs to make others feel comfortable quickly, which is their goal. However, this mirroring can lead people to open up deeply to an INFJ soon after meeting them.
While this openness may connect the INFJ to the other person, it can also be a double-edged sword. After a deep conversation, people may start avoiding the INFJ, likely because they feel embarrassed about sharing too much. They may also fear the INFJ will gossip, even though INFJs aren’t prone to that. The discomfort often stems from feeling like they can’t trust themselves around the INFJ, as though the INFJ has cast some sort of spell over them.
3. High Intensity of Emotions
INFJs experience emotions deeply and are passionate about their values and beliefs. They tend to have well-thought-out opinions. In a world where many people go with the flow and follow groupthink, this intensity can be overwhelming. INFJs are willing to bring emotions to the surface and discuss deep topics, which can frighten others who are more reserved or out of touch with their own feelings.
In addition to being emotionally strong, INFJs are also very logical. Not only do they hold emotional beliefs, but they can logically explain why they believe them. This can be intimidating to others, especially those who lack logical reasons for their beliefs and are driven more by ego or upbringing.
4. Expectations
INFJs expect others to try. They are always working on improving themselves through learning and self-reflection. However, others often don’t have the same tendencies. Even though people frequently seek INFJs for advice, they often don’t follow through with it, even if it’s something as simple as a five-minute daily task. INFJs are patient and understanding, but most people don’t want to change, and when they associate the INFJ with the advice they asked for but haven’t followed, they may start avoiding them. This avoidance often stems from the fear of being asked about their progress and having to admit they haven’t made any.
5. Mysterious Demeanor
INFJs can be difficult for others to read. They possess traits that seem contradictory, like being quiet and reserved but suddenly going on a passionate rant about a niche topic they’re interested in. INFJs are both idealistic and practical—they dream of a better world while knowing that perfection is unlikely. They can also be extremely sensitive yet very strong, which can confuse others. People may misinterpret their peaceful nature as weakness, only to be surprised when the INFJ stands firm for their beliefs.
6. Desire for Authentic Connection
INFJs seek deep, meaningful connections, which can make casual interactions feel superficial and unsatisfying. Most other types, however, prefer light, surface-level conversations. They’re looking for distractions rather than solutions, while INFJs are solution-oriented and want to discuss issues that could help others move forward. This often leads to INFJs being ghosted after a few interactions because they bring up topics that others would rather avoid.
7. Strong Values
INFJs have strong, deeply held values and are very principled. Their conviction can be intimidating to those who are uncertain about their own values or who don’t share the same intensity. INFJs tend to see commonalities between people and use these to bring others together, unlike the tendency many have to focus on differences. They value fairness, equality, and harmony and are unlikely to fall into herd mentality or adopt others’ value systems without careful thought.
In a world that is growing increasingly divided, INFJs’ values can be intimidating. However, they genuinely want to help others and foster understanding, which can lead to rewarding relationships when their depth is appreciated.
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